I had a dream last night about momma. It was in the middle of many dreams that didn't make any sense but this part did in some ways. She has left this earth for nearly fourteen years now.
I had walked into a place that looked as though it was some type of arena because when I looked at the seating there she was sitting about four rows up making eye contact and nodding her head so I would see her. She would have never made a spectacle of her self, well not in public anyway. :) Always prim and proper in actions and dress. She smoked but would have never smoke in public. She once told me she knew she could quit smoking because she never smoked at work; but when she came home she changed into her robe and sat down in her favorite chair and enjoyed taking a long drawl. She enjoyed smoking and didn't want to give them up. Eventually, she would go into the bathroom stalls to smoke on her break. Always dressed to the 'nines' or to the 'T' with everything matching until one day I walked in told her that her t shirt was turned inside out and she replied, "It doesn't matter. No one was going to see it." Then came the day to take her to the doctor and she was sitting dressed in a cute skirt and top and she reached in her purse and pulled out her compact and began to powder her nose even though the compact was empty. As she was sitting on the exam table, I glanced at her feet and had one of those I could have had a V8 moments where I thumped my head. I had not checked her close enough before leaving. She had on two different dress flats. The last few years she became more cynical and fearful and her sense of humor had a lot to be desired; but she never lost her heart for the under dog. Maybe because all her life she felt she had been in that position as a single mom.
But in my dream she stands and steps into the aisle and smiles at me like I remembered growing up. She is frail but happy. She is dressed in an ankle length light yellow denim skirt and jacket which I bet she made. Her hair is gray but fixed nicely. And she is smiling. She is smiling.
I thank God this morning for that dream. It is a gift that will be written again in my gift journal. He has brought tears of gratitude this morning. But why was she at an arena?
Momma was a life long, die hard, Arkansas Razorback basketball fan planning her evenings around TV broadcasts and a good book and a long drawl on her cigarettes.