Unloved, Unappreciated, Second Place

"When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved...............................    Genesis 29:31

Ever been there?

I am married to a man who has loved, appreciated and chose me. It wasn't like he HAD to take me and then demand to be given the one he really loved.  My relationship with my siblings is good not that we have always lived the same lifestyle but we  managed to grow up to appreciate and love each other. In my circle of friends, acquaintances, and extended family things are for the most part good.  I can think of two people who might not be happy with us but we have reached out and now have to wait on God's timing to restore.  But if I was truthful, I would say there has been times I felt and known that I was unloved/hated.

I just pulled down my mom's old KJV translation and sure enough it says Leah was hated...not unloved. In other translation they made note of it; but I wanted to see it for myself.   Tuesday I touched on this subject in ministering with some ladies at the nursing home.  One lady and I were tag teaming and as I finished talking regarding Leah being hated, I walked back to another lady and I whispered , "She wasn't hated to much with all the children she bore ."  Lighten up, it is humor. Let's face it though there is a huge difference in being loved and having sex.  In that time and culture it was a sign of blessing and prosperity according to how many children your wife or wives bore along with the riches you attained.  Women viewed their lives by the number of children they were given.

I don't want to concentrate so much on Leah's relationship with her husband and sister so much as I do on the fact that the Lord saw.  He had compassion, love, attentiveness, and he did something to ease her pain. It spoke freshness into my heart.   He opened her womb. As this verse struck a chord within me  my second thought was, "Oh, what ever You do DON'T open my womb!" :) He touched her just in the area of her life that was important to her and she knew it.

Verse 32  ......."The Lord has surely looked on my affliction....."
Verse 33......... "Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved/hated....."

She realized the Lord saw and heard of the pain she was dealing within her heart. And because He saw Leah we can take comfort He sees us, also. But, and it is a big but. Let us look at what her expectations were from the blessings:

Verse 32.........."NOW therefore, my husband will love me"
Verse 34...........NOW this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons."

Yet, her circumstances didn't change, if anything her relationships got worse; but there seems to be an inkling forming in her mind that even though her relationship with her husband isn't better after she bore the fourth son she said, "NOW I will praise the Lord".

I can so relate to her.  Why does it take me to the fourth, fifth, and so forth time to realize I just need to praise Him?  His expectations and mine don't always see eye to eye.  His purpose and mine don't always jive.   She goes on to bear other sons and a daughter and we see her once again slip back,  "NOW my husband will dwell with me, because I have borne him six sons."

Oh, Leah! Oh, Barbara!

Oh, for the day I can rest in the Lord that He has seen, He has blessed, and He is working to carry out His plan and purposes.  Not mine.  Maybe I will  still be unloved/hated. Maybe I won't.  If I just sit at His feet and let go.  Maybe if I seek His face and not His hand. In other words,  I am wanting His relationship over what He can change or do.  Will you join me?

	"You will show me the path of life;  In Your Presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
	Psalm 16:11
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Didn't See That Coming

We were leaving for church Sunday and as My Man was yielding to turn from our driveway he mentioned a squirrel had not made it across the highway. Followed by asking if  I had seen it lying on the road. Uh, no. Why would I?  So, not to disappoint him I looked.  Then I gave him a good laugh when I said, "Probably a male squirrel chasing a female and never saw it coming."

As weird as this sounds, it made me think how true that is in our own lives. I'm speaking of the 'didn't see it coming' not  'the male and female thing'. :)  Isn't it true that we can be  going about our day focused and getting thing accomplished and then life hits us out of nowhere? Even though we don't experience physical death we can experience having the life knocked out us. It can be emotional, mental, spiritual, or physical and often it can be a combination of all of them.

As I was mulling over something else I am working on, I heard in my spirit, "all fear is gone".  The thought stopped me in my tracks.  I knew it was from an hymn but it took me awhile to realize it was the chorus to Because He Lives.

                                                     (Chorus)

Because he lives
I can face tomorrow
Because he lives
All fear is gone
Because I know
He holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because he lives
Source: <a href="http://www.phonelyrics.com">Phone Lyrics</a>

I hope if you are going through one of those 'never saw that coming' season this will encourage you. Praising Him all day long......wait, isn't that another song? 

Momma

I had a dream last night about momma. It was in the middle of many dreams that didn't make any sense but this part did in some ways.  She has left this earth for nearly fourteen years now.

I had walked into a place that looked as though it was some type of arena because when I looked at the seating there she was sitting about four rows up making eye contact and nodding her head so I would see her. She would have never made a spectacle of her self, well not in public anyway. :) Always prim and proper in actions and dress.  She smoked but would have never smoke in public.  She once told me she knew she could quit smoking because she never smoked at work; but when she came home she changed into her robe and sat down in her favorite chair and enjoyed taking a long drawl.  She enjoyed smoking and didn't want to give them up.  Eventually, she would go into the bathroom stalls to smoke on her break. Always dressed to the 'nines' or to the 'T' with everything matching until one day I walked in told her that her t shirt was turned inside out and she replied, "It doesn't matter. No one was going to see it." Then  came the day to take her to the doctor and she was sitting dressed in a cute skirt and top and she reached in her purse and pulled out her compact and began to powder her nose even though the compact was empty.  As she was sitting on the exam table, I glanced at her feet and had one of those I could have had a V8 moments where I thumped my head.  I had not checked her close enough before leaving. She had on two different dress flats. The last few years she became more cynical and fearful and her sense of humor had a lot to be desired; but she never lost her heart for the under dog.  Maybe because all her life she felt she had been in that position as a single mom.

But in my dream she stands and steps into the aisle and smiles at me like I remembered growing up.  She is frail but happy. She is dressed in an ankle length light yellow denim skirt and jacket which I bet she made. Her hair is gray but fixed nicely.  And she is smiling.  She is smiling.

I thank God this morning for that dream.  It is a gift that will be written again in my gift journal.  He has brought tears of gratitude this morning. But why was she at an arena?

Momma was a life long, die hard, Arkansas Razorback basketball fan planning her evenings around TV broadcasts and a good book and a long drawl on her cigarettes.